Blackhumouristpress's Blog

August 18, 2009

The Hockey Moms

Filed under: Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 6:52 am


            The hockey moms of the Pee Wee major ice hockey team of suburban Detroit, Michigan called Little Caesar’s, had been getting together the last Friday night of every month.  The plan for one particular Friday in early September was to meet and eat at Champp’s on Big Beaver Road and then all drive to Royal Oak to go to Memphis Smoke to listen to a Cajun band from New Orleans.

            Matilda, a spunky woman of nearly forty years of age, was the one to gather up the mom’s who she liked on the team of fifteen boys.  Some of the hockey moms were frumpy and overly consumed with their son’s hockey while others were just there to be supportive but still maintain who they were as individuals. 

            Matilda became friends with Annie, Maria and Lorie.  The four women worked out together on road trips to Chicago or Toronto and joined a fitness center together in Southfield.  They shopped at malls and they jogged and drank together.

            Matilda was the team manager and it was her job to make sure that all parents paid their dues to the team, had the practice schedule, game and tournament schedules.  Matilda’s son was a goalie as was her husband Jay.  Jay was a computer guy that played in high school and still played recreationally with some friends in a beer league in Taylor, Michigan.  Jay and Matilda’s son was the starting goalie for Little Caesar’s.  In the league, they were in third place behind Team Illinois and Honeybaked. 

            Jay suspected that his wife had a thing for the hockey coach who was kind of a rough around the edges guy who played minor league hockey and was well built, had a rugged smile and was the life of the party.  Everyone liked Tom, especially the moms.  They liked that he was in shape, talked to all of them and drank with all of them in the lounges on the road.  Matilda liked Tom because she had a similar personality to him.  Her husband was quiet and soft spoken.  Matilda was a wind up toy; full of spunk and energy.

            Maria was one of those Hispanic women who could pass for white and since she was immersed in a white sport, married to a white man and living in a predominantly white suburb, Maria was an honorary white hockey mom.  Maria ran five miles a day, ate sparingly and had less body fat on her than 98% of all women walking the earth.  Maria loved watching her son play but never stopped running races while her son played a high level of hockey.  Maria’s husband was usually out of town.  They hardly fought but they also did not have much in common.  They weren’t unlike many parents and married couples.

            Lorie was a salesperson for a cable company.  Her job was to try and get car dealerships and car makers to buy advertising.  She landed the Ford Motor Company all by herself and that account alone, brought in six figures alone.  Lorie was married to a high school sweat heart that was a flop as a salesman for vacuum cleaners.  He made close to $15,000.00 last year and the comparison was more than a sore spot.  Lorie took care of almost everything.  Lorie had a boyfriend who worked for Ford.  They got together for dinner now and then and usually went back to his apartment in Greektown to drink red wine and fuck.  There cycle was about every 13 to 14 days.  No flowers, cutesy text messages or nothing.  One would send the other a very business like text message after about ten days.


                        Dinner was usually several glasses of wine and then more wine at a Greek tavern and then a bottle up in the executive’s apartment which was used for just the women he was banging.  His trophy wife took golf lessons during the day in Farmington Hills, lifted weights and swam at their country club.  His wife was fucking someone on the side too and that guy was fucking someone else and so on.

            Annie had a few children and took really good photographs with her husband and kids.  Their family of the year photos could all be found on Facebook with all kinds of compliments.  They really could have collectively done catalogue photo shoots and vacation commercials and all.  Annie loved her life at home, with the kids and her husband.  One day Tom the hockey coach innocently asked if Annie was a natural blond.  Annie was insulted by the question.

            “You’re asking me if I dye my hair?  Is that what you’re asking?  What kind of thing is that to ask?  Why would that be any of your fucking business?”  Asked Annie, rapid fire.

            Tom felt badly and tried hard to do damage control.  As big as he was, he cowered like a little boy and stammered and stuttered as he tried to explain why it was that he asked.

            “I’m really sorry…  I meant to say that your blond hair looks natural and it goes really well with your freckles and blue eyes and all…  So many chicks… I mean women, dye their hair and it looks goofy with dark roots and I didn’t see any dark roots on you and so… I’m sorry.  You’re really attractive and I didn’t mean nothing by the comment.  I’m sorry for offending you.  Just pretend like I didn’t even talk to you… Really, I didn’t mean to insult you.”  Explained Tom.

            Later, Annie sent a Text message to Tom.  He was quite happy and relieved to receive it.


            The answer was a very quick yes.  Annie dropped off her son after practice and told her husband that she was meeting Matilda to talk about some family stuff that she was having trouble with.  Her husband wasn’t listening.  He was watching highlights of the last Michigan State football game.  It was a game he attended in Lansing just two days earlier but was watching all the televised highlights.  He never heard a word Annie said but responded with okay and I love you.

            Now nothing had happened sexually between Tom and Annie at that point.  They did have some drinks; tell some jokes, gossiped about some of the bizarre parents on the team, talked about their childhoods, favorite vacation spots and so on.  Annie had to ask if Tom was fucking Matilda.  Tom wasn’t and said he wasn’t but Annie wasn’t buying it.  Annie had no reason to doubt what he said and even less of a right to be jealous but she was in a competitive way.  Annie was pretty as was Matilda but Matilda tried hard to be notice and that was just not Annie’s thing.

            Time went on and Tom sent Annie text messages and emails, always conscious that Annie was married, had children, a husband, a house in the suburbs, a few cars, a vacation home, a time share, a boat and so on.  Tom went out of his way to never discuss Annie’s husband or what his own role was in Annie’s life.  It was heavy flirting with a heavy cloud of sexuality that hung most ominously.  It was the elephant in the room and they just ignored it for the time being. 

            Matilda picked up Annie and met up with Lorie and Maria at Champp’s.  They had salads and Margaritas and talked about mundane things, gossip and so forth.  After a few hours, they headed over to Memphis Smoke.  A racially mixed group from New Orleans played jump style blues with an accordion and a wash board.  The large black man with a space in his front teeth played the accordion and sang in French.  Every once in a while he would yell out “et toi”.  The women jumped around and danced together and had a great time. 

            Sitting at the bar, watching one of the last Tiger’s games for the season on one of several televisions strapped to the ceiling, was Tom the hockey coach.  Annie knew he would be there since she had text messaged him and asked him to show up.  Annie commented to Lorie.

            “That looks like Tom at the bar…”

            “Which one?”  Asked Lorie.

            “The one in the t shirt with the Tigers hat on…” said Annie.

            A waltz like ballad played by the Zydeco/Cajun band was conducive to a slow dancing.  Maria went and grabbed Tom and brought him out to dance with all four of the ladies at once.  They all took turns taking spins with the coach.  He smiled brightly and had a great time with the moms.

            “Ma cherie, ma coeur le soleil du matin… je voudrais etre ton homme et habitent dans ma maison… Ma maison avec vous, ma cherie, ma coeur, le soleil du matin… Vous etes ma femme… Et toi! 

             Annie had decided that whatever may happen may happen and if it was going to happen, she needed to ditch the others sooner than later.  Annie came up with an excuse.

            “Hey look… I don’t mean to be a poop but I gotta get home early tonight.  My little one has been sick and I really should get home,” said Annie, while pretending to look at a text message from her husband.

            Lorie and Maria tried to convince Annie to stay longer while Matilda seemed to understand and was ready to leave.

            “Yeah, I really should get going to.  We got that game tomorrow against Cleveland and the boys need to be there an hour before the game… Right coach?

Dressed in a white shirt, tie, black shoes, one hour before the game.”  Said Matilda.

            With that, Annie and Matilda took off in Matilda’s Lincoln SUV.  Now both women were more than a little buzzed and the chances of being pulled over on the 696 by the Michigan State Police was high.  Annie pulled off the highway near Telegraph and parked in a parking lot of a medical center.  There were no cars around.  Matilda turned off the car and turned her body so that she could face Annie.  Matilda smiled a nervous smile, took Annie’s hands and leaned over and put her tongue in Annie’s mouth.  She held Annie’s face in her hands and kissed her hard.  Annie was not only grossed out but was shocked.

            “Does this really come as a surprise to you, Annie?  You had to have seen this coming.  I’ve wanted you for so long and I think you knew, did you?”  Asked Matilda.

            “Um actually I thought you were fucking Tom on the side.  I had no idea that you were a …” said Annie before being cut off.

            “A dyke, a lesbo, a carpet muncher… what else?  You know what?  I’m a mother who has been married for nearly fifteen years to a man who is really sweet but a fucking bore and I need something he can’t give me and he knows it.  I believe we could have something so sweet and yet toxic… Hardcore and gentle…  Just remember that it takes courage to enjoy it…”

 Annie was trying to get out of the SUV but Annie had the doors looked.

            “Look… would you be okay coming home with me?  Jay is totally cool with us being together.  He really just wants to watch more than anything.  I mean if you’re cool with him joining, that’s fine with me too.”  Said Matilda.

            “Um… I’d really like to get the fuck out of the car right now more than anything…” said Annie.

            “Just be cool… I’ll take you home but think about it.  I think you’d really like it if you’d just give it a chance… I love you, Annie.”  Said Matilda.

            Now Annie got into her Chrysler mini van with a 3.5 liter engine in black with tinted windows.  The Sponge Bob CD was in the player and sippy cups were in the cup holders with books and crayons on the floor of the van.  Annie drove back to Memphis Smoke.  Tom was watching highlights of other baseball games at the bar.  The Zydeco band was winding up their final set.  A few couples slowly danced to the sounds of the violin and accordion.  Tom and Annie joined them.  The large sweating black man smiled and played the accordion while he sang in French.

            Vous etes la femme pour ma Coeur mais la vie c’est  tres difficile… Je voudrais a partir avec vous a l’isle tres loin… Tres loin avec vous… je vais trouver le chateau pour nous.  Sous les etoilles et le lune… Vous etes ma femme ce soir…  Vous etes ma femme ce soir.

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