Blackhumouristpress's Blog

October 3, 2009

And the Nobel Peace Prize Goes to … Oprah

Filed under: Oprah,Short Story — blackhumouristpress @ 5:51 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Oprah flew in late in the day from Copenhagen to Chicago and was taken by her driver to her condominium in Water Tower Place on Michigan Avenue in the heart of downtown Chicago’s retail Mecca.

“I told you Chicago, Chicago… Do you understand that? Its 2000 miles away from California… Just stay there with the damn dogs… Yes, yes… I got another call coming in. Stay there with the dogs, I’ll be home on Saturday,” said Oprah while holding her temples with her left thumb and middle finger while speaking to one of many assistants at the White House.

“Look, when he gets back I need to talk to him about all this Olympic garbage. It’s been a colossal waste of my time and has done nothing but hurt my stature. The god damn mayor drags me to Europe to help land this thing and we’re bumped in the first damn round? How does this happen? How is it we don’t get Jordan in on this whole thing?”

Oprah’s shoes clop and click and keep time with her nylon stockings that rub against one another as she angrily walks to the private elevator that leads to an entire floor which is her home while in Chicago, working on her show.

“What the hell is the name of that damn fool in Iran? Amad, Amoo… How do you say it? Okay then… Amadinejhad and Netanyahu… You let him know that I want to be the one to broker a peace deal between them. It’s pretty clear if something isn’t done soon, they’re going to have functional nukes and the Jews will wind up doing something. This way we make a pre-emptive move … Exactly, exactly… Yup and then I at least am in the running for a Nobel Prize and everyone forgets about this and the damn Michigan Avenue extravaganza we had back in September… James Taylor? It’s a long story. I owed a favor to Carly Simon… So did they say when they were getting back? Okay… Well no I don’t hold the president responsible for this and I’m not blaming him or Michelle. It’s just when you get involved in these things and you attach your name to them and they flop… Exactly, exactly… It’s symbolic. That’s exactly it… I don’t need this looming over me now. A big loss today and I need a big win tomorrow. You have him get this going. We’ll meet in Iceland where Reagan met with Gorbachev way back when… Right, right. I think if we can get this solved between those two countries, it might be possible to get some of the moderate elements in the Taliban to maybe do a Skype from Afghanistan where we look at the war from their prospective… I know, it’s just really upsetting and frankly very embarrassing. I usually try to stay out of these things but they asked me and now I’m asking them to help me save face and I think this could really help them, the nation and the world. If Frost could talk to Nixon then I think I could work out this nuclear issue between Amah, Amoo… How do you say that name again? Okay, in any event, I need a call tomorrow once they’ve had a chance to unwind. This has to happen quickly. Fox news is having a field day with this whole thing… Okay then, you take care… Buh bye,” said Oprah while hanging up.

Oprah stood at the window looking north along the shore of Lake Michigan as the sun began to rise. She took a sip of water and swirled the ice cubes in the glass.

“Amah-dinah-jad, Amah-dinah-jad… I better write that down. I’ll forget how to say that by the morning.”

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1 Comment »

  1. […] And the Nobel Peace Prize Goes to … Oprah Filed under: Oprah, Short Story — blackhumouristpress @ 5:51 am Edit This Tags: Chicago, Copenhagen, Iran, Israel, Middle East, Nobel Peace Prize, Olypics, Oprah […]

    Pingback by And The Nobel Peace Prize Goes to Oprah « John Mark Calahan — October 13, 2009 @ 3:54 am | Reply


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