Blackhumouristpress's Blog

October 16, 2009

Department of Levity

Filed under: Short Story,Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 7:18 am
Tags: , , ,

            Sergio was an American born Cuban that could pass for a middle easterner and so he took Arabic as a linguist in the military.  Languages came easy to Sergio.  He spoke English and Spanish without an accent and learned all Romantic languages quickly and proficiently and was directed by the military to take Arabic.  After Sergio’s military days, the government started a covert task force that took pre-emptive moves to find those within the borders of the United States that would be most likely to leave the states to train as a terrorist and come back to America to commit acts of terror.  Most people interviewed were nothing more than delusional misfits with varying degrees of mental illness.  But the government held out hope that they’d find those fit enough to carry out terrorist activity.

            9:00 am Monday- Outdoor café on South Beach in Miami.  Sergio is wearing a collared long sleeved white shirt, sun glasses and pretends to be speaking to someone on his cell phone when Dr. Trent Shores walks up.  Trent hears a lot of guttural words in Arabic.  Trent understands nothing of what Sergio is saying on his cell phone.  What was being said loosely translates to this; Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings, These are a few of my favorite things.  Sergio hangs up and extends his hand to Dr. Shores.


            “Salaam Mr. Mohammed, I had to take a plane from New York to Cleveland then to Buffalo and then here.  I wanted to be sure I was not being followed.  I truly believe the feds are following me.  They know I’m a medical doctor, they know that I was once an active member of the Communist Party of America back in college and they know how I feel about the direction of this country,” said Trent while looking side to side.

            Sergio looked intently at Trent as everything was being recorded on a high fidelity wire attached to Sergio’s chest.  Trent’s breathing could be picked up by the expensive recording device.  There was no mistaking what was being said.

            “I am a historian who has studied the fallacies of American history.  The nonsense about the holocaust really gets my goat.  It’s no coincidence that Jews run this country, the banking system and so on.  Look at the money we give to Israel…  It’s a crime,” said Sergio.

            “Well my friend, hating Jews is not enough to get you into our elite troop of liberators.  Tell me how you see society as a whole, my friend,” said Sergio, while rubbing his scruffy whiskers with his thumb and fore finger.

            “Well aside from Jews, people have become so stupid in this country.  Stupid things appeal to stupid people.  Music, movies and television as part of pop culture in this country have dumbed down society here.  This culture is a disease that will dumb down the world.  It must be stopped.  If I could confide something with you, Mr. Mohammed…  I am trying to come up with a drug that will control the minds of people through subliminal messages.  If I could do this, I being the creator of this drug, could steer this country back in the proper direction.  I believe my product could be very useful to your organization.  I am willing to be your chemist, your scientist, your chief consultant in matters such as this,” said Trent.

            “How are things coming, my friend?”  Asked Trent.

            “I’m glad you ask…  It is coming along well.  I have used this on dogs thus far with very positive results.  I can get dogs to do things on my command.  Angry, vicious dogs are rendered completely submissive and totally cooperative,” said Sergio.

            “Would you be willing to go to our compound oversees to discuss this option with others within our organization?  We are very pleased by your letter to us via the internet and find comfort in the fact that there are Americans such as yourself that are willing to be apart of the solution that is best for the world.  This madness must be stopped.  We need intelligent and motivated individuals such as yourself to help make ideas a reality.  Where can we reach you, Dr. Trent?”

            Sergio reported to his direct superior that he had a prospect on the hook.  They had lured in a disenchanted American citizen who appeared to be willing to join forces that were bent on destroying the United States through an obscure site on the internet.  Sergio was ordered to seek out the doctor for a second interview at his hotel near downtown Miami.  Sergio met the mother of the doctor at the door of there hotel room. Her name was Sylvia and she was an older Jewish woman with a patient smile.  Trent’s mother stepped into the hallway to discuss Trent’s condition with Sergio.  It was at that moment that Sergio learned that Dr. Trent Shore was actually Harold Fishman.

            “Sir…  I’m not sure exactly what Harold discussed with you.  Just so you know, Harold suffers from delusions and has been diagnosed as schizophrenic.  He called me and made the mistake of calling me from the hotel phone and I tracked him down here.  The institution that he was living at cut funding and I had to take him in back at home again.  That darn internet is horrible for people like Harold…  I apologize if he has promised you something.  He is not a millionaire, a doctor, a scientist or part of the royal Dutch thrown…  I hear all of them.”

            “I see…  Thank you for your time madam,” said Sergio before excusing himself.

            Sergio got into his car and immediately phoned his boss to discuss yet another dead end.

            “Joe?  Another flop…  Yea, yea…  Look, we’re getting nothing but crackpots.  Most of these guys are living in a parallel universe and have trouble making their beds in the morning…  Well I understand and yeah I like to eat and pay my mortgage and so I continue to do this but this beating them to the punch thing by putting cryptic ads on chat rooms and so on, is just attracting weirdoes who live alone with their mothers.  We’re beating dead horses…  Alright Joe.  Where do I go tomorrow?  Idaho?  A former band of white supremacists who want to go to train in Afghanistan…  Okay.  You say former though, huh?  How does one stop being a white supremacist?  Okay…  That’s fine.  I’ll make my way to Boise by tomorrow.  Just how many have we actually gotten to try and board a plane for Afghanistan?  That many, huh?  Well as long as the government believes we’re making head way, that’s all that matters.  At least we won’t be exposed for trying to sell $200.00 toilet seats, right Joe?  Give my love to the wife and kids… See you next week Vegas.  Don’t forget to bring your golf clubs…  Sure, we’ll have a swell time.”

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: