Blackhumouristpress's Blog

December 15, 2009

Dr. Meckler Mr. Pride

Filed under: Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 7:35 am
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Now Felix Pride found the love of his life at the tender age of twenty. Felix married Rebecca and they lived in a big house with no children and everything was great, on paper, as the saying goes.
Rebecca had grown up in Evanston, Illinois and attended Northwestern University. She had attended Roycemore High School, a private high school in Evanston one block away from Northwestern University. It was at a college party that she met Felix.
Felix had attended Evanston High School and was floating around Evanston with no job or plans for college when he met Rebecca at a Halloween party. Rebecca was dressed as a seductive Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Felix wore an old time ice hockey mask, removed his shirt and oiled his chest. Felix didn’t care much for work but he was diligent about staying in shape and so he had a nice physique. Rebecca noticed this. As time went on, Felix and Rebecca fell head over heels and knew at a young age, that they had found their life partners, their soul mates, the other half of the puzzle piece that could only fit with the other and so on. Dashed hopes and expectations soon followed. Within ten years, Rebecca was unhappy with her husband’s ability to run around doing nothing. Felix was given a job by Rebecca’s father. Rebecca’s father owned a lot of property and so he made Felix a manager of his properties. Felix’s job was to go around to his father-in-law’s property and make sure that everything was as it should be. At best, Felix did a half assed job. Felix visited buildings sparingly and spent most of his time at the gym or at a bar. Felix had managed to coast his whole life and the only thing he had to do was put up with his wife’s displeasure and mental illness.
Rebecca had shown signs of some sort of disorder when younger but most people close to her particularly in her family attributed it to quirkiness. As the years went on, the mania became more pronounced. It was manic without depression and polar without the bi. Rebecca would exercise several times a day and in between exercising and ripping around Evanston in her SUV, she would play the piano, paint, cook and write poetry all day and almost all night.
Felix would come in three sheets to the wind as they say and Rebecca might be playing the piano, singing, painting or reading her poetry.

It is within my soul, my heart, my breath
With every moment, nearing death
What is purpose? What is meaning
Like falling sand, time is fleeting
I lay in bed my heart beating… faster, faster
When will it stop?

“What do you think, Felix? I wrote it today while I was painting the beach picture we took in Portugal last summer. It’s going to take me a while but I’m getting there. You see… There are the boats and the houses on the cliffs over the water… I loved Portugal. I spent the whole day listening to Astrid Gilberto and painting. I’ve now decided that I am going to learn Portuguese and one day we can move to Portugal on the beach… Baby, have you been drinking again? I thought you said you would stop! I thought you fucking said you were quitting! What the fuck is your word worth if you can never keep it!”
And with that, dishes went flying and a vase broke. Felix stood still in the foyer, never moving. Rebecca cried uncontrollably for a minute until Felix consoled her. They then made love on the cold tile floor next to the front door. Rebecca mounted Felix as the cold slate tiles cooled Felix’s ass. Rebecca rode Felix at a feverish pace for a good five minutes, kissed him on the mouth as her mascara dripped and dried on her cheeks. She smiled and held Felix’s face in her hands.
“Guess what?” Asked Rebecca.
“I don’t think I can…” Answered Felix.
“I made some really good cookies…” Said Rebecca, as she sprung up and ran to the kitchen.
The mania was getting to Felix. Felix had just been at a wine bar in Evanston and met the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Katrina was twenty four, black and from the city of Detroit. Felix had never wanted to ever go to Detroit before but now it had become a shining beacon on the hill. It was Shangri-la and nirvana and Brigadoon and so on.
A man had been renting an apartment from Felix who had been divorced and happened to be a doctor of podiatry. Nobody knew where Dr. Meckler had disappeared to. All Felix knew was that the apartment had been abandoned with everything in it. Rather than throwing anything away, Felix had one of his janitors store all of Dr. Meckler’s belongings in a storage locker. Felix eventually went through all Dr. Meckler’s papers and found that he had a strong resemblance to Dr. Meckler. Felix grabbed the birth certificate and passport belonging to Dr. Meckler and began to toy around with the idea of telling young women at bars that he was a doctor. It was with Katrina that he finally assumed another identity. Katrina being a younger woman, who had graduated with a degree in elementary education, was teaching in an inner city Detroit school. She had come to Evanston for a cousin’s wedding and was going back to Detroit. It wasn’t long after that that Felix bought an apartment building in inner city Detroit and had told his father-in-law that there was a whole revitalization of land near downtown Detroit and that they should get in on the ground level. Nobody questioned it. It became necessary to visit Detroit often and before long, Felix was flying in from Chicago almost four times a week, often staying a day or two.
What Katrina knew was that Felix was Dr. Hans Meckler and that he was single and was thinking of moving to Michigan or Detroit more precisely and wanted to serve the inner city. Katrina loved the idea. Felix read up on podiatry and opened an office on Livernois in Detroit. It wasn’t long before Felix had patients. Felix did common sense things for small problems. In grown toe nails, warts, infections and fallen arches. It was all bogus witch doctory that mixed acting with a bit of chiropractor tactics. It was all going smooth. Katrina believed that Felix was Dr. Meckler and that he had to take care of his property in Chicago but worked in Detroit and so if Dr. Meckler was gone for a few days, it was no big deal. Rebecca and her father, was impressed that Felix was taking initiative to do something bold and innovative like invest in property in Detroit where there were sniffs of urban renewal. Rebecca’s father became wealthy by buying up cheap land and selling it once an area came around. He would buy it when boarded up and sell around the time Starbucks and Blockbuster moved in to the neighborhood.
As time went on, Katrina fell madly in love with Dr. Meckler and convinced him to marry her. They had a boy and a girl that had a nice caramel hue to their skin. They were obviously of African descent but had that hint of Caucasian in them too much like in the days of slavery. Dr. Meckler moved the family to a nice looking townhouse near Wayne State University, just down the street from the Fox Theater on Woodward. Everything was going great for both Felix and Dr. Meckler until federal agents showed up at his clinic in Detroit one weekday afternoon.
“So you’re Dr. Hans Meckler? You reside on Woodward in Detroit, you’re married to a Katrina Meckler and have two children ages four and two, correct?”
“That is correct… What is this about?”
The real Dr. Meckler was suspected of murdering a woman in the Chicago area and took off to Canada and assumed a new identity. The federal agents began to look for and follow Felix thinking that he was Dr. Meckler. They were more stunned to find that one man had two separate lives going in two separate cities with two separate women. Felix explained why he did what he did. The agents were intrigued but ultimately had to arrest Felix for false identification and bigamy. You might expect to hear that from this point on that Felix’s life went to the shitter. From his jail cell, Felix dictated his story to his cell mate in a federal prison in South Dakota. Upon his release, Felix had hoards of publishers and agents looking to sign him to a book deal. Felix settled on one finally and his non-fiction book went to number one. Felix wound up on talk shows and made a pile on his book. The title of his book? Dr. Meckler Mr. Pride.

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