Blackhumouristpress's Blog

March 31, 2010

Eviction Day

Filed under: Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 5:16 pm
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Mario Caldrone pulled the Cook County Sheriff’s late model Ford Crown Victoria to the front of a house that looked to have seen much better days.  The screen door was missing the top hinge and had no glass.  There were wrappers and cups strewn around the over grown front lawn of mostly crab grass and weeds.  In the back yard were two Pit bulls that barked their husky bark.  Mario pounded hard on the front door with the palm of his hand that caused an echo against the homes across the street.

            “Sheriff’s department, open up…  This is your…last warning, we’re coming in,” said Mario.

            Mario took his fifty pound lead pipe with two handles attached and hit the door once, splintering the door and ripping it from the frame.  Once inside with guns drawn, he and Officer Leon Jones walked through ankle deep garbage looking for occupants.  Newspapers, magazines, hangers, clothes, shoes, fast food wrappers, DVDs and shoes were strewn though out the house.  The occupants deserted and left two of their dogs in the backyard without food and water.

            “So you gone tell me watchu think, Mario?” Asked Leon.

            “Okay Jonesy…  A black man and maybe a white chick with really poor self esteem.  Bleached blonde hair with black roots, smokers, both overweight, pill takers, and pot smokers, children with other mothers and fathers, no job and in collections for everything under the sun.  They both eat a lot of fast food and have nice cars and  many pairs of sneakers and probably left here and went and shacked up at the elderly grandmother’s home somewhere not far from here.  Her house is immaculate and she has World War II pictures of her husband on top of doilies in the pristine living room.  She was watching soap operas, dozing and reading her bible when her bust-out grandson showed up with a pillowcase full of important belongings and the train wreck of a girlfriend with him,” said Mario while kicking around abandon junk.

            While Mario gave his profile based on the housekeeping and belongings, Leon found pictures of an over weight white woman and a black man with both white and black children in the picture.  Leon just shook his head.  He knew that nearly every time, Mario was absolutely dead on.  It amazed and amused Leon.  Leon hated Mario when they first started working together but grew to admire and respect the wisdom of a man who had been working for the sheriff’s department for thirty years.

            “You know what today is, Jonesy?”  Asked Mario, as they drove to their next case.

            “It’s Friday and I’m taking mah woman out foh some dinner and some dancing and then Imma make love to her like ain’t never done befoh because she was on her cycle last week and whenever that happens, I get crazy.  I wanna throw a damn party when it’s over,” said Leon, while looking out of the passenger window through dark sunglasses.

            “It’s the anniversary of the death of Jesus.  He was killed on a Friday.  I can’t figure out why it is Good Friday.  I went to church this morning and we’re having all our family over on Sunday.  It’s supposed to be warm.  I’d like to sit outside…  You like to sit outside, Jonesy?”

            “I love the summer, dude.  I cain’t wait for summer days,” said Leon.

            “Yeah…  The spring…  When anything and everything seems possible.  If you’re a Cub fan, you start out in April believing that this is the year.  Then with the fall of the leaves comes the stark realization that you may never live to see them win a World Series.  Nobody alive remembers the last time they won a World Series…  Well spring is a great time and Easter is a chance to see your family again since Christmas and sort of reconnect,” said Mario.

            A thin man with no hair up the middle of his head took heavy drags from a cigarette as he paced in front of the building.  He stopped pacing when the Sheriff’s car pulled up.

            “My attorney said you would be here between 9am and noon time.  It’s after 12:30…  You people don’t value anything but your own damn time,” said the man who couldn’t look either of the officers in the eye.

            “You know something, man?  We cain git right back in the car and take the fuck off and let the sheriff’s department know that there was no representative at the building to meet us.  It costs you $30.00 fucking dollars and then yo ass waits til we git back around here again… You dig me?”  Said Leon.

            Mario interrupted before the man could respond.  His smooth demeanor and smile put the anxious man at ease.

            “I’m sorry… It’s just these animals have trashed my place and the court just gave me possession and I just know they’ve ruined my place.  I’m gonna have to spend thousands to restore the place and I’ll send them to collections and they’ll file bankruptcy and I won’t get dick,” said the nervous man.

            Mario knocked three times.  He could hear a television playing in the background.  A commercial was on.  Ironically it was Peter Francis Geraci.

            “Worried about losing your house, automobile or problems with the IRS?  We can help you to become free of debt.  With offices through out Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan, we have operators standing by to assist you…”

            A skinny white male with dishwater colored hair in his late twenties with a moustache was lying on a mattress on the floor of a bedroom in the back when Mario and Leon walked in wearing all black with guns drawn.  The occupant had been smoking crack the night before and had let the better part of a day pass before waking up to his wake up call.  Leon posted a no trespass notice on the door and loudly ordered the white male to get what he needed and clear out.  For Leon, the man was the epitome of what he hated in white people.  He was a an uneducated, drug dealing, bigoted poor white trash that felt he was superior to blacks just because he was white.  Leon showed little mercy.

            “You have five minutes to get what you fucking need and git yo ass outta here.  You fucked this place up, dude…  Look at this shit.  You fucking livestock in this mutha fuckah, huh?  Who the fuck lives like this?  If it were up to me, I’d tie your ass up to your rusted out fucking truck with the confederate flag and drag your ass to the south side…  Watchu you got tattooed on yo arm?  Is that a swastika?  Shit it is, boy,” said Leon.

            Mario stepped in again and spoke with a smile and cool tone in his voice while pointing his side arm at the hold over tenant.

            “Sir…  You were delinquent on your rent and it went to court and the court determined that the owner should have possession of his unit.  This means that you must vacate forthwith.  Forthwith means that you have to grab what you can hold in your hands and get out fast.  Think of it as sort of a fire.  There is a fire and you need to get out really fast and if you have the chance to grab something, grab it or just get out while you can…  I think you should put on a shirt though.  It’s warm now but you know how it gets in Chicago and we’re not far from the lake.  The wind could change and then you’d wish you had a shirt on…” said Mario.

            The young man blurry eyed, found a dirty Harley Davidson shirt and put it on.  He stuffed some items into a pillow case and walked out.  The owner complained about the system that seemed to favor the tenant and not the owner.  Mario blinked heavy and nodded as if to agree with the man.  He calmly listened and then spoke.

            “I personally would turn this building condo and get the hell out of here.  Who you gonna get that’s worth a damn in this day in age?  Nobody has a job, everyone has debt, and everyone is filing for bankruptcy.  The day of the little old lady in apartment buildings is gone.  Turn it condo and go live in Florida…  Have a nice day,” said Mario as they walked down the stairs.

            Leon asked his take on the latest case to be evicted.  He always liked hearing Mario’s spin on what he thought.  As much as Leon detested most white people, Mario was his hero.  Leon hoped that one day he could do the job day in and out and just smile.  Most days Leon went home hating people and not trusting anyone, while Mario left it in his locker like his black clothes and bullet proof vest.

            “Broken family… Mom left dad and went it alone.  Dad went on with his life and tried to forget that he ever had a kid and a wife.  The boy grew up not respecting his mom due to a slew of one night stands and worthless boyfriends. He grew up breaking rules and had no boundaries.  Rather than seeing what was possible and making the best of things, he probably spent his whole life blaming his dad for taking off.  The drugs, lack of discipline and so on he attributes to his dad who probably started over with another woman and got it right the second time around…”  Said Mario.

            Leon shook his head and looked out of the window at young black males that were hanging around on street corners, no doubt look outs for drug dealers.  Mario sensed so much anger in his partner and disdain for humanity.  Mario surprised Leon.

            “I would like you and your lady to come to my place in Elmwood Park for Easter and don’t tell me no either.  We get together about three in the afternoon.  Don’t bring nothing… My wife will make more food than we could eat in a week with desserts and the whole shot…  Hang out with the I-talians for a day.  Then on Monday you can ask me what I think about my kids, my wife, my cousins, my brother, his wife and their kids.  I can tell you what I think about everything and then I think it’s your turn to tell me what you think about many things in life…  Before you explode.”

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