Blackhumouristpress's Blog

November 20, 2012

The Teague Party or Honest About Being Honest

Filed under: humor,Short Story,Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 6:20 am
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Harrison Teague through Facebook, Twitter and good ole fashion word of mouth, was able to get close to a hundred people to come out and eat free sandwiches and juice at his car dealership.  Teague sold Chrysler products.  His motto for his billboards, radio and television commercials was always him smiling with a slight gap between his two front teeth saying, “We are in a Teague of our own”

Harrison Teague had good wavy hair that hadn’t grayed or thinned.  It appeared to be a helmet at times but was always impeccably coiffed.  Harrison learned early on that he could sell things to people.  He could get people who would never think about owning a Chrysler, to buy a car.  Harrison read Mein Kampf several times and watched Triumph of Will dubbed in English a number of times and had decided that like Richard Nixon, Adolph Hitler was meant to be a politician.  Just something’s went wrong along the way.

Harrison did not have anything against Jews.  Harrison used to play up the fact that Henry Ford was anti-Semitic and wind up sending Jews home in K cars back during the days of Lee Iacocca.  With four dealerships to choose from, Harrison wanted to set his sights on something bigger.

Harrison felt that there was a dormant majority of Americans that longed for the stability and security of old time values.  The Tea Party was too abrasive and too angry.  The Teague Party was going to be inclusive of Hispanics and any sensible people of color who were willing to work for a living and critically look at the poor job that congress was doing.  Harrison knew that Hitler started small and so he was not put off that his first rally at his spoken word was made up of only one hundred people.  Harrison took the podium with the fervor of Hitler and the smile and hair of Joel Osteen.  This was going to be day one of a great American movement.

“I want to thank you all for coming her today.  Enjoy the refreshments and a refreshing new day.  Don’t be despondent with the fact that your fellow Americans are content wallowing in the mire of complacency while the fat cats point more fingers and get nothing done for their constituents once again…  Which reminds me of a joke…  What did Jesus say to congress?  Can’t guess?  He said don’t do anything until I get back.  Amen to that and pass the plate.  We have exactly one more political party than the communist party used to have during the days of the Cold War in Soviet bloc countries.  You had brand A.  Here in the United States, the strongest, most powerful nation in our minds, we have brand A and brand B.  We keep turning to the two same options for years.  Oh I know there exists smaller parties bent on obscurity that thrives on the fact that their boutique political views are held and shared by a small group of intellectuals that get them.  Where does that get us?  You work and where does your money go?  To build roads that don’t need to be built.  To house people who have turned relief into a birth rite and we fund a war that is borderline ridiculous.  Speaking of borderline…  So we send our boys to fight a war in a part of the world that resembles the moon.  People running around dressed the way Jesus Christ did before he told congress to hold up.  Stay with me…  This is getting good.  Now we are trying to save the hearts and minds of people who side with us when convenient and then the Taliban when there is a gun to their heads.  The group of people we are fighting are waiting in a neighboring country that has been supported by us monetarily by your tax dollars since the days the Soviets were fighting in Afghanistan.  This country was our ally in fighting the evil empire.  Now they harbor our enemy in the great fight to end misogyny, tyranny, and terrorism and over all great evil in a part of the world nobody ever thought about unless they were thumbing through a National Geographic.  Today I want you all to pledge that you will make it your life’s quest to recapture, not restore or return America to it’s former greatness.  Do I care about abortion?  Do I care if a man wants to marry another man?  If you need an abortion, pay for it.  You take up with god later the consequences of your actions.  Don’t ask the people to foot the bill as if it was some sort of sanctioned, state funded birth control.  Roe versus wade?  Row yourselves out of this quagmire of complacency and wade through this sea of arrested intellectual development.  Translation- wake up and do something.  One man, one woman.  It starts with one.  One and one and one and another one and then another one and then an army of people who care to change the way life is in their country.  This is your country.  Not the Democrats and not the Republicans.

Now the press will latch onto this and label it another far right, wacko fringe group made up of angry fiscal conservatives who are slightly racist, sexist and homophobic.  Any gays who value their dollar are welcome to join us.  Any race of people who make their money and value keeping as much of their money as possible- this is your party.  Sexist?  Teague needs women.  Smart, savvy, aware women everywhere, we are waiting for you.  My pledge to you as a representative of ideals and beliefs is that we will form a party of the people for the people within the next four years and I pledge to you that we will become a viable alternative to the same old thing.  Are you with me?”

Agnes or Agniewska laid beside Harrison later that night and went to retrieve a towel to mop up the spew that landed on her back and was glistening on his rock solid abdomen and thighs.  Agnes thought highly of her employer who paid her in cash to watch is two children.  She agreed with Harrison that his wife was mean and that she just didn’t appreciate or get him.  Harrison’s two young sons really loved her and she knew that Harrison fancied her quite a bit.  While Harrison was deep in thought and his cock laid slightly flaccid, resting on his right thigh, Agnes took a warm, wet towel and cleaned him up.  Agnes was in the back of the room when Harrison gave his speech, handing out free Jimmy John sandwiches to those willing to hear him.  Agnes, being smart and a realist, posed the question of how Harrison will handle their affair when the time comes that the press will dig through his life like archeologists.

“Oh I’m already on that.  The people of this country have to quit acting so fucking pious.  Presidents, governors, mayors, generals, the head of the CIA all hold their heads down in shame.  In Italy, nobody wonders why these things happen.  They only wonder why they don’t happen.  It’s time America comes to grips with the fact that people are really not being honest about being honest…  If you go to check on the kids, bring back some water.  I’m really parched.  If we have any extra sandwiches, bring that back too.”

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