Blackhumouristpress's Blog

November 4, 2014

Sheep, Rugby and Wide Open Space

Filed under: humor,humour,Short Story — blackhumouristpress @ 7:54 am
Tags: , , , ,

Nate was one of those guys that you see at a gas station or mini-market who spends his hard earned money on lottery tickets. You know the guy- scratching something with a coin and asking the Indian proprietor to put twenty here and twenty there while you stand waiting to put twenty on gas, coffee and a pastry.

One day Nate won enough money to change his life. He didn’t want to buy a car or a house in the United States.  He decided being divorced and without children, he was going to do something big- move to New Zealand.  On the last day of work for the state highway, Nate decided to post whatever came to mind on the message boards over the highway that people read near big cities while driving turnpikes, expressways, tollways and freeways before anyone could stop him.  This is what he posted.

734 PEOPLE HAVE DIED DRIVING VEHICLES IN THIS STATE IN JUST FIVE MONTHS. LESS SOLDIERS WILL DIE THIS YEAR AFGHANISTAN THAN ON THE ROADS OF OUR STATE IN LESS THAN A HALF YEAR.

52 MINUTES TO DOWNTOWN. 54 IF YOU KEEP CHANGING LANES THINKING YOU WILL GET AHEAD BUT REALLY YOU WON’T.  TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

THERE IS AN ACCIDENT UP AHEAD…  NOBODY INJURED OR DIED…  EVERYONE WILL STOP TO SEE NOTHING ON THE OTHERSIDE…  SORT OF POETIC, WASN’T IT?

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRAFFIC… SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO VOTE TODAY. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.  THE SAME TWO CHOICES THAT YOUR DADDY HAD AND HIS DADDY AND HIS DADDY HAD TOO…  THIS JUST IN- NOTHING WILL FUCKING CHANGE OR AMELIORATE.  I USED THAT WORD BECAUSE IT WAS IN A CROSSWORD PUZZLE TODAY…  AMERLIORATE- NOT THE WORD FUCKING.

ASSHOLE ALERT- THE GUY TRYING TO PASS YOU ON THE RIGHT AT 80 MILES PER HOUR WITH STICK FIGURE FAMILY ON HIS SUV WINDOW, ALSO HAS THE 26.2 STICKER, THE STICKER WHERE HE VACATIONS AND THE COLLEGE HE ATTENDED. IF THE VEHICLE IS YELLOW, HE IS AN EXCEPTIONAL ASSHOLE.

SAY… DOESN’T IT SUCK TO KNOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TRAVEL TEN MILES AND IT’S GOING TO TAKE OVER AN HOUR?  RED LIGHTS FOR AS FAR AS YOU CAN SEE.  JUST IMAGINE HOLLAND AND NEW ORLEANS UNDERWATER ONE DAY LIKE ATLANTIS WHEN EVERYONE IN CHINA AND BRAZIL BUYS A CAR TOO.  WE WILL THEN ALL HAVE THE FREEDOM TO GET NOWHERE FAST.  SURROUNDED BY WATER.

THIS IS MY LAST DAY OF WORK AND MY SECOND TO LAST DAY IN THIS COUNTRY. I WILL BE MOVING TO NEW ZEALAND.  WHY?  BECAUSE OTHER THAN THE MOON, THERE IS NOWHERE FURTHER FROM THIS PLACE.  SHEEP, RUGBY AND WIDE OPEN SPACE.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: