Blackhumouristpress's Blog

April 17, 2020

Decide

Filed under: Detroit,humor,humour,Los Angeles,Short Story,Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 1:31 am
Tags: , , , ,
 We had a gig the following night at Corktown Tap.  We sat out back
until it was time to go up and play.  The old Tiger’s stadium sits on
the other side of the wall like a cemetery.  Out in the distance like
a mirage is the Motor City Casino.  The lights dance around the
building like Las Vegas but it’s the only hotel on the strip.  The
gig was ok over all.  Not mobbed but a good showing.  Lowe went with
Lynn and I to Greektown to get something to eat.  He is a big time
stoner who is really an intelligent guy.  He analyzes everything and
discusses it like a philosopher.  Lynn giggles at the stuff he says
but he means it.
“How long should a person want to live?  Have you ever thought of
that?  You look at James Dean or Jimi Hendrix.  They went out before
they got old and fat.  People go to see bands they’ve loved their
whole lives and the fucking guys in the band are older than your
parents.  They look fat and sloppy like Jerry Garcia.  You get a guy
like Marlon Brando.  He was a good looking, fit guy in the 50’s and
most of the 60’s.  He buys and island and then promptly eats it.  Who
gets that fucking big?  We can go in the casino right now and ever fat
fuck with everything under the sun is wrong with them.  They got a
cigarette dangling from their lips while their eyes are glued to the
slot machine.  They’re gonna strike it rich, right?  They’ll finally
be happy, right?  They’ll go back to their shit hole house somewhere
between here and 8Mile…  So a 100 years ago, people worked fucking
hard until they died at 45.  We didn’t have so many people because
people worked hard and then got the fuck out of the way.  You wanna
live long enough to wind up in a nursing home?  Shit in your pants and
have some Filipino chick flip you ever few hours so your skin doesn’t
rot.  You just sit there and watch television and the next day you
can’t even remember what you watched but it’s good you did because it
gets your mind off the fact that maybe you shouldn’t be here.  Maybe
you been here too long.  We need a really good bomb or a really good
virus to clear this place out.  Weed out the weak.  Kind of like a
healthy brush fire so that things grow the way they should after…
Fuck.”
The waiter came up to us three times and Lowe hadn’t looked at the
menu yet.  He just kept talking.  The third time, he snapped at the
waiter to bring him a bold red wine from Greece.  Lowe moved on to the
thought of the act of deciding.  This thought came to me before too.
“You stop to think about this…  Someone pushes you to decide
something and life could go really well or really fucked up.  When
you’re a kid, you decide to do this or that and if your parents don’t
agree, you catch a smack…  I take that back…  In the old days you
would have caught a smack and today they have someone with a bachelor
of science try to understand and draw out of your kid why they did
something…  It’s all bullshit, right?  So you become an adult and then
suddenly you don’t have anyone to really stop you from bad decisions.
You buy shit you don’t need, you hook up with nasty tramps, you drink
too much and take shitty jobs.  One day you think you have really
found the one, right?  So you ask that person to marry you.
Everything is great for ten minutes and then you suddenly grow apart.
You find another person that really gets you and so you leave that
person for the new person and then things head towards the gulf coast.
You then have to decide- is this shit right for my life?  Do I want to
spread my seed like a Jamaican and split my check five different ways
because I made poor selections, options, choices… Ready? Yes, poor
fucking decisions.  Here’s one for you.  My mom had a boyfriend when I
was thirteen.  She moved him in and he promptly told me that
everything I liked and was into sucked.  I hated the fucker.  At 16, I
decided that I could no longer go on.  I held a proverbial gun to my
mom’s head and told her to decide on keeping the fuck or I was moving
out. She decided to keep him- I moved out.  I went to live with poor
people and then my family in Detroit told me to leave beautiful
Southern California for Detroit.  I had to make a choice.  I chose
Detroit.  I’ve been here ever since.  What if I had stayed?  Would I
have remained in LA?  What would I have done?  Who might I have
married?  Big fucking fork in the road.  The idea of deciding is a big
fucking deal and we take it lightly…  If this shit doesn’t work out,
I’ll decide to do something else, right?  I mean…  I’ve got all the
time in the world.  I’m probably going to live forever, right?”
The waiter returned.  Lowe slammed the menu down and ordered the
waiter to bring him a gyros with extra sauce and extra onions.  As the
waiter was getting ready to walk away, he asked him a question.
“Hey buddy…  Were you born in Greece?”
“Yes…”
“Why did you come here?”
“I thought it might be better…”
“Detroit?!”
“Sure… Why?”
“Have you ever thought of what your life might be like if you had
decided to stay in Greece?”
“Sure…  I would have had to marry a woman named Toula and I would
have had too many kids and probably retire at 50.  I would never have
met you nice people tonight…  I’m glad I came here.”
Lowe slapped his back and we moved on.  We talked about soccer since
he was fixated by Italian soccer.  We dropped him off and got home and
crashed.  The ride back to Chicago took forever.  We stopped at
wineries and stopped at the beach near New Buffalo.  We both made the
decision to go slow so that we would have more time together.

April 2, 2020

6 Feet From Insanity

The Uber man drives around in a Toyota, carrying a sandwich.  People
are afraid of public places now. Can you blame them?  I often thought
about what was on my hands long before others gave thought to the
things that they could not see… A thin foreigner who thought a better
life would be to drive around the mean streets of Detroit making sure
that people get a sandwich.  Are you hungry, sir?  I have a sandwich
for you.  Something to take your mind off of your stomach.  Perhaps
your stomach is turning, sir… Have a sandwich.  How bad does a country
need to be before you run away to deliver food in Detroit?  A
rhetorical question not meant to be answered.

It makes People feel safe to know that when they queue up behind
someone at the Wal-Mart, they have a mask for their protection.
Picture Disneyland with no fun but we’re all being taken for a ride.
We all wear masks metaphorically speaking, don’t we?  But what comes
next?  Meanwhile somewhere in our nation’s capital, the Ubermensch
faces the press to discuss this invisible menace that kills minute by
minute.  The numbers of dead world wide.  The Italians, the Spaniards,
Koreans and in China the eel chases the weasel in the wet market while
the market on Wall Street fluctuates.   The pollution must be better
in China now with nobody working. We worry about that and climate
change.  Boy didn’t the climate change fast in these United States in
a matter of speaking. A sunny day and then just clouds of ominous
disaster in hours… It’s 2pm…  Time for a set of push-ups and the Ab
Roller.  A new commercial… Say, did you know that you could get life
insurance right now for $9.00 a month even if you’re over sixty?  Yup…
Fat, smoker, diabetes taking a cocktail of medicine?  No problem and
on top of this all, you might get this virus…  virus… I’m  going to go
play the stand up bass.  I’m playing scales while reciting homemade
poetry as if it were a Psalm.  This one was entitled Federal Form XIV
in Triplicate
The wind and the rain
Inner storm, inner pain
Distain for it all and after all
It goes where it will and against your
Will and you won’t be able to open that door
The only door given that day you were born
You have the key with all your brilliance
Strength and resilience but in the end…

I love that riff in G.  Nice and deep.  Goes well with my voice.
Wearing a Fedora and a Wife Beater with shorts and Doc Marten Boots.
What a sight I must be that see in the mirror…
Looks like rain but I think I should go for a run before I have to
hop on Zoom and discuss with 18 year olds what they think they know
about truth.  It is truly exhausting as it is amusing.  If they get
high enough, I can say things that lead them to think and then forget
that they are even thinking.   Something like this…
If Every word becomes a concept not intended to remind of an original
experience to which it owes its birth, but must at the same time fit
innumerable, more or less similar cases—which means, strictly
speaking, never equal—in other words, a lot of unequal cases. Every
concept originates through our equating what is unequal.
Stuff like this is imbedded in my memory like my own poetry or a
Psalm.  Semester after semester the same young minds of mush have to
take philosophy 101 on their way to manage a Jimmy John’s or possibly
a shoe store wearing a referee’s jersey.  I will be spewing these
things out but my mind will be in Cape Verde…  The trip I took back
when all was fine.  The drinks, the food, the woman with the large
breasts singing in Portuguese… Quêl mudjêr cú quêm m’ encôntra…
Will the truth matter?  Is the lie more important?

I open the door and my Detroit is as rural as Kansas.  No homes
around.  All were torn down after being torched on Halloweens.  I run
along the roads and there are driveways to cement pads where homes
once stood. I’m working on an 8 minute mile just south of 8 Mile…
Looks a bit like Dresden after World War II.  I don’t mind the peace
and solitude.  I don’t mind the serenity. On days when the world is
functional, I navigate my way down Woodward to Wayne State.  Well not
right now.  I am social distancing within a two-mile radius.  I have
my provisions. Wild salmon, chicken without hormones… Hopefully.
Peanuts, peanut butter, eggs, rice and the vegetable and fruit frozen
so that I can throw them in the Ninja and try to protect myself
naturally.  Fight the invisible foe with things that should save you
and your colon.

A scary thought came to me.  I’m old enough to remember back two weeks
ago when we had the freedom to go anywhere and do anything and then we
were told we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything… Just like that. How
harrowing it was to navigate the aisles and to stand in line at the
Meijer.  I was behind a man in a motorized scooter next to a woman who
needed a motorized scooter.  Their cart filled with processed shit
sure to ensure further unhappiness and inflammation.  They moved at
the pace that would make a sloth impatient.  I calculated that they
might have been gathering like hunters in the Meijer all day.  They
were in no rush to get home to watch mindless fluff just to pass the
time until it’s time to eat or sleep or shit.  And they were not
alone.  There were many more just like them.

I’m back home now… Another commercial.  Time to do more pushups and
roll out my abs.  Things are not getting better but I am trying to
improve myself and if everyone improved themselves, we might improve
things.  The commercial… A very Semitic young lawyer in a smart suit
is leaning over a good looking young thing at a desk as if they are
discussing something important while a voice tells me that he is in my
corner if I used talcum powered, had a mesh implant put in for a
hernia or was corn holed by a scoutmaster back in the 1960’s.  He is
there to get justice…  For a small percentage.  The sixties…  I miss
the sixties really.  Good music, a lot of fucking and nothing hurt on
my body back then…  We did turn the world upside down, didn’t we?
Sure… We told old people that they fucked things up and that we would
fix them.  Guys like me went on to teach while others found Jesus and
Amway.  You got Nixon and then Ford and then Carter…  Well I don’t
need to tell you. Today a bunch of young people want to go down to
South Beach for spring break and my generation shakes their fists- You
fucking kids are gonna kill me with the virus!  Quit drinking and
fornicating and get indoors and watch CNN!  Sure, pops…  Whatever you
say.
It’s been 14 days since I’ve seen a live human.  My mail goes to the
university.  I have to say that for all the disdain and annoyance by
humanity there is a chance that I might need them the way you need to
hear sound.  If you go without sound the sound of no sound gets so
loud that you think you might go deaf…  Fuck! My thoughts are
scattered from something deep to mindless dribble.  I was born alone,
I will die alone…  What a nice view… A room with a view of things
outside.  I’m inside for protection from the outside but the outside
appears so pretty from here.  A room with no windows forces one to
look within.  I listen to Cal Tjader loudly on my Bose while the noise
of the day inaudible like a silent movie.  Think of the Aurora
Borealis with a sound track.  A beautiful mess turned down low. The
apocalypse is coming to Detroit and I’m sad that I will miss it live
in real time.
…  27,000 steps by 4pm and really what does that matter?  I’m more
than six feet away from everyone.  At what point will I risk death to
be by them again?

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.