Blackhumouristpress's Blog

August 12, 2014


Filed under: humor,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 6:58 am
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It’s never been clear to me, what will happen to me
Treading water in the sea of infinity.
It begins here and never ends. Right side, lop side a short ride
Through the tube of light.

It’s always worse at night contemplating the unseen, unknown, unsure reality
Somewhere out there with the trinity, Santa, tooth fairy and Easter Bunny.
What’s the expiration date? Fate, it’s worse at night waiting for sleep to come
And when it comes…

Shark week nursing home meals with Pol Pot
Broken bass strings on my upright, uptight
Flooding jeans, E Channel, English Channel, Sunday panel
Scratching heads trying to pin down what went wrong with
Winning hearts and minds
It’s a mine field of bills trying to stop me
From achieving, creating and surviving.
I just need to know how long it takes. Chasing a bus like a dog.
Swimming in an ocean with no land in view, racing a tornado in a field of wheat.
Dead relatives and a pat on the back. Faded memories dumped from a nap sack.
Stalin, Lennon, Ike and Nat Turner tell me to take it easy while we eat dinner. John sits next to George and declares we’re all sinners. From blank slates to tainted meat, I suddenly wake up from the heat. Sweating. Sleep comes hard with a busy mind.


April 14, 2014

Democracy 6.0

Filed under: humor,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 7:17 am
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What’s the problem? A solution of verbal pollution – a mixture of something animal and mineral. Antibodies fighting hopelessly something viral, the next big thing to know is when we go while viewing it like a DNA spiral. We descend; let’s not pretend the word progress is bogus. Amelioration of contention? Suppression of aggression? The sun is shining as we bask in perpetual recession.

Oh Crimea river … Yellow liver caused by empty threats and hysteria. A verbal malady, we’re all a bit melancholy for the days of hammers and sickles, Ronnie and Contras, selling arms to enemies who housed hostages in our embassy.

The devil you know is better than the known unknowns that is to say we know what we know but can’t ever seem to say no. The sun never sets on American assets using the ruse of freedom and democracy 6.0- for those living in caves and living in holes.

Lead us not into the temptation to deliver us to another war to fight another evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and glory for oil. Amen.

July 16, 2013

These Days…

Filed under: humor,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 7:03 am
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Strip the veneer of suburban strip mall hell
I can see it in the whites and the whites of their eyes
Don’t shoot! It’s just a hood.
I know what I should; it’s just so hard
2/3rds of everything cooked in lard
chemicals, animals and minerals
expanding waists and universe
comfort foods and depressed moods
suicide, Kardashian brides- choose the number two with two sides.

Use a Geiger counter to measure the pleasure
By buying this product
Guaranteed to bring results quicker than a microwave
Jesus saves, seismic waves, Obama legacy in the land of the free and home of the brave.
By the way- we know what you’re thinking, we know what you’re doing
You terrorist, anti-social activist. Encrypted scripted responses held close to the vest.
Try to hide what your thinking in these days of GPS

February 12, 2013


Filed under: humor,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 8:21 am
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Have the audacity to hope that the cross hairs of the scope don’t shear the last fibers of that rope we cling to, we sing to because America has talent as it does empathy, knowledge and understanding that only a supernova can save us from global warming and ocean front property coming to Pittsburgh.


Preservatives additives and a laxative that helps us relax a bit from the chaos of the protestant work ethic, cut throat, only the strong survive, origin of species, mercury in our feces, survival of the fittest, standard bearer of the free world which all hope to emulate in their quest for freedom, wisdom and saturated fats while we kill to help free hearts and minds of people in a land that looks like Mars.


Iran and Iraq- Iraq-an the future looks grim.  What did we win?  Deposing the only tamers capable of keeping order in a land made of sand with dinosaur gold deep within made to fuel the new V-8 with televisions on the back of every headrests that cause our minds never to rest from the extra-sensory emissions of embedded code words that subliminally make us the great consumers that we are.


I had my right hand over my heart from the start before the super bowl while the meter runs on this super hole of money thrown into a black hole that builds and builds until it sucks everything in, explodes and creates that supernova- a brilliant ending that can be viewed from a far.

November 27, 2012

Thank You For Your Patience

Filed under: humor,obama,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 6:50 am
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Thank you for your patience when you’re in your car waiting in a stopped line and an Audi illegally comes racing up the right side.  He owns a car that costs more than your home, cars and timeshare.  Speaking of time, your time, he doesn’t fucking care.

Thank you for your patience when you wait at the Red Box behind the woman with the big ass who thinks she looks like Vivica Fox.  She knows your standing patiently waiting to rent Hello Kitty for your girls as she talks to herself, pops her gum and fucks with her fake Yak curls.

Thank you for your patience at the DMV.  Your number is 97 and they’re still on 23.  The angry woman behind the counter with the 80’s hair like Joan Jett, yells in the faces of foreigners who haven’t learned English yet.  Your tax dollars hard at work.  Be patient, they’ll treat you like a fucking jerk.

Thank you for your patience; your wait time is 28 minutes.  The kids are screaming, you’re driving and have reached your limit.  A human just came on the line and disconnected as you were saying hi.  Thank you for your patience, give it another try.  We’re closed now we open again tomorrow morning at nine.

Thank you for your patience with the economy.  It isn’t my fault; it was the guy before me.  There’s a lot to do constantly.  Now pardon me while I work on my legacy.

Thank you for your patience at the free hospital.  They can’t reject those uninsured, they take them all.  You may wait a full day in the lobby looking catatonic from a stroke.  This kind of shit happens when you’re broke.

Thank you for your patience is a bullshit line.  Nobody really values each other’s time.  The fucking terrorists created the TSA.  Fuck it; my flight has been cancelled anyway.  We know you have many choices and chose us to your dismay…  good luck getting home and have a nice day.

August 9, 2012

MC Puppet Master- 1% of that 1%

Filed under: humor,poem — blackhumouristpress @ 8:12 pm
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I’m that one percent of that one percent.  Millions are good and billions magnificent. Rise up, raging, hope and changing wake the masses, poor and working classes cause the tide is turning faster? Ha!  I’m the real puppet master.


Candidates pointing fingers in debates, fluxuating interest rates.  I make money when rains and when it shines.  Think it’s yours?  It’s mine.


I feed the elephants and feed the donkey, I’m the scariest motherfucking honkey.  I got an army that works for me.  I’m bigger than Mobile/ Exxon and BP.


To know me is to love me.  Red carpet, white glove me.  I could put the NBA and every rapping NWA and have the entire CIA in my deep pockets.  The rich own jets- I own rockets.


I’m the real Anglo-Saxon, my phone is blownin up from my cousin-the queen she’s relaxin at a quaint palace in London- nice place- I own mother fucking islands.


I own heads of state and real estate larger than Texas or Alaska and all other 50 states.  Your piece of the pie comes off my plate. People hate me but they need me.  I’m the one who makes the economy.  So how y’all feel knowing your just cogs in my wheel?


I’m that one percent of that one percent.  Millions are good and billions magnificent. Rise up, raging, hope and changing wake the masses, poor and working classes cause the tide is turning faster? Ha!  I’m the real puppet master.

April 30, 2012

The Gulf of Apathy

Filed under: humor,poem,Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 6:36 am
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I want to look twenty-five forever

Malibu Pilates, a colonoscopy everything is good inside of me, behind me

Got passion, a sense of fashion waiting at Sears to see a real Kardashian

Its just mild anxiety about the complexity of the economy and the nosey neighbors next to me.  Dog piss on the rug, no eye contact or a hug from the wife, suburban life, bored offspring hate me but love to take Ecstasy.

A 600 lb woman on the screen, lean cuisine, P90X, mind blowing sex and people catching catfish with their hands.

More stars than grains of sand, universe growing, Serengeti wildebeest and plastic in the oceans and on the beach, deep wrinkle cream and cock enlarging potions.

Disney, history, mystery, military, unwrapping King Tut, developing a Brazilian butt

Juice, blend, chop, shop silver, sex toys, wealth without risk, Ru Paul and other chicks with dicks. My sleep number, look fit this summer.  Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy swarggart, the roll of Erwin Rommel and a 12 disc set by Merl Haggard.

It is a virtual rodeo and a makeover, a subliminal take over with hidden messages masked as information and entertainment.  High definition low retention emptying minds and oozing radiation.  Televised real time closed caption of the rapture brought to you by your friends at BP- bridging the Gulf of Apathy.

March 15, 2012

1933 Again

Filed under: humor,obama — blackhumouristpress @ 6:23 am
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The president, a precedent plays a violin at the funeral pyre in a

Quagmire, bonfire Koran, Iran and Little Kim has a little hand on the button

In a strange land north of Seoul.


I don’t know what we don’t know and there are things we know we know.

Election year- vote for so and so– there are things we do not know that we don’t know- goo goo j’goob.


I’m a 99, you’re a 99.  They got yours, they got mine.

It’s futile like feudal between haves and halves of halves and fractions of factions and commercial break distractions.


G8- ain’t it grand? Liquid gold in the sand to be mobile or Mobil/Exxon

the hex on the White House and greenhouse gas.


The hero is zero, living intestate with a falling interest rate

Trying to compensate for millions losing their estate.  So what’s our fate?


We have nothing to fear but fear itself

June 28, 2011

The American Nursery Ryhme

Filed under: humor,poem,Uncategorized — blackhumouristpress @ 3:55 am
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Humpty dumpty sat on Wall Street.  Humpty Dumpty had an unprecedented fall.
All senators and congressmen tried to bail out Humpty again.  Cause when it’s raining, it’s pouring and stocks look flat in the morning.
Yankee Doodle came to town  riding in a Humvee
Winning the hearts and minds and forcing them to democracy.
Yankee doodle keep it up, like fishing in a phone booth
Spend money you do not have, send the deficit through the roof.
Hey diddle diddle, syringe just a little while grandma cooks in a spoon.  Three bags full; one for the master, one for the dame and one for the banker who drives down the lane.  Mix it up and make it nice,  A penny for a little rock, a penny for a needle.  That’s the way the money goes.  Pop! Goes the Weasel.  
 This was the woman all forlorn that milked the system, that tossed the kids into the street to sell drugs and sell their bodies, to make money to buy the drugs and slay in the house that crack built.
 Hush little baby don’t say a word, daddy’s past out on Thunderbird.  If that Thunderbird sings, momma’s gone pawn a diamond ring.  If the ring ain’t nothing but brass, somebody will hafta sell some ass.
Arnold parnold pudding pie, knocked up the house maid and told a lie.
 Liar liar, pants on fire catch Eliot and Tiger by the toe, if they cry let them go…  In fact maybe just give him their own show.
A diller , a dollar, you were going to be a scholar, Why do you sleep so late?
You used to get up to go to work and now you’re on Section 8.
Jack sprat is getting fat and his wife is hardly lean.  His arteries filling up and national health care is nothing but a dream.
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago who cares about geography?  Freedom to find and choose for yourself your form of pornography.
If all the world were paper and all the sea were ink, if all the trees were bread and cheese, what should we have to drink?

June 21, 2011

Trip to Walmart

Filed under: humor,poem,Uncategorized,walmart — blackhumouristpress @ 4:30 am
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            Larry the greeter from an era gone by when men held open doors and always wore ties.  Smiles to the all the patrons of the WalMart wondering just what hath god wrought?

I want to live in America.  Everything is good in America.  I saw it late on satellite.  What I see has got to be right.

Single mother- three children of different fathers.  Half brothers and sisters with steps and others.

I want a guest spot on Jerry Springer, late nights at Taco Bell.  I want to give the president the finger.  I want to be fat as hell.

Smart pharmacist in surgical blue. Old woman  knows not what to do. Buying a plethora of drugs and Maalox too.  Pharmacist yells so that she can understand.

“Your Medicare only covers a fraction in this plan.” 

Big blonds and beer.  Big tits and atmosphere.  Chase queers in big trucks.  A grande latte at Starbucks.

You who talk so loudly on a cellular phone, spinning rims from a pay day loan.  Looking for sharp sunglasses, left the kids at home.  Long white t shirt hides a stomach which has grown.

I wanna be a member of a health club.  Tongue piercing, lap dancing and romancing at cool bars.

Hefty man with a brass knuckle tattoo, Confederate flag shirt and a missing tooth.  Buying a windmill for the grass at the trailer park.  Plumber’s crack in faded jeans.  Abandoned cars, stray dogs and ripped up screens.

The motorized scooters and the oxygen tanks.  Lotto tickets and Marlboro Lights.  Have a coupon for the chips on sale.  Partially hydrogenated heart will fail.  Good health warnings like wind in sails.  Muslim women shopping behind veils.

Mulatto children and blond women.  Gang bangers in Elmo shirts.  Doddering elderly and the grossly obese.  Fertilizer, CDs and Cheddar Cheese.

It is all here in the biosphere, on a trip to Americana.

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