Blackhumouristpress's Blog

July 14, 2014

When Terry Met Terrance or Death by Viagra

“Is this a sick joke? Did you do this on purpose? Take this away from here this instant! This cannot stay in our cell another moment!”
Terrance never really knew the details of his cellmate and fiancé’s offenses. Terry shared a cell with Terrance at Statesville prison in the state of Illinois, in United States. Terrance, a large man among men, was what slave owners and NFL football owners alike looked for in a man. Terrance was wrongly accused of killing a police officer on the south side of Chicago. Terrance has served five years and he will eventually be exonerated but things such as murder and wrongful conviction take some time to sort out. You understand.
Terry arrived a little over two years ago and became not only a cellmate of Terrance, but also his girlfriend and fiancé. Terry spends a lot of time trying to get a judge to marry him to Terrance. The prison officials have told him repeatedly that such a thing in prison is not possible. Terry has written to the governor several times and the governor has read the letters and thought to himself; why not? A Democratic governor running against a well to-do Republican challenger, does not need to hand cannon fodder to his opponent and so the idea of a marriage between men in prison will have to be entertained after the election. You understand.
Terrance knew that Terry was responsible for killing a rich elderly man by forcing him to swallow three Viagra pills at gun point while having his 25 year old girlfriend ride him until he had a heart attack. What Terrance wasn’t aware of was that the rich elderly man, made a fortune making fur coats. Mink to be exact. Terry could not wrap his head around people killing such cute little animals for coats and coats for rich people to be more precise. Terry worked hard to be hired to cook for the rich elderly man in his home and when the time was right, Terry chose death by Viagra.
“Fucking swallow all three pills, you goddamn killer… All three or I’ll blow your fucking head off, so help me!”
Before long, the elderly man was as stiff as a board. At that time, Terry ordered the young gold digging girlfriend to mount the old man in a reverse cowboy so that she would have to face Terry with a cocked revolver. Within an hour, the mink killer had passed. And so it goes.
Terrance being a black man had always wanted a white woman. He never quite got around to finding one to his liking. Terrance was not willing to settle for an obese, slovenly white chick with a bad dye job. With the prospect of being in prison for the rest of his life, the idea of being with an attractive white male who was effeminate and truly a woman trapped in a man’s skin was not so bad. Terrance never fancied men but over time, the idea was not repulsive to him.
Like any couple, Terrance and Terry had their problems and differences. Terry was overly interested in the lives of the Kardashians and liked gardening while Terrance liked watching violent movies and MMA and boxing matches. Terry liked to be kissed and caressed before penetration and Terrance wasn’t much for foreplay. Terry would lay in Terrance’s arms after love making and eventually doze off to the sound of Terrance snoring in his ear. When you take away the differences, Terry loved that Terrance was strong and protective and Terrance liked Terry’s feminine tendencies and delicate manner except for when Terry would get angry.
“Look… You my baby and I got to take care of you. When I was on the outside, buying a fur for the one you love was a good thing. I know you cold most the time and I thought that having a fur, a good and expensive article of motherfucking clothing, would be something good. You don’t want it, then don’t wear it. I’ll git my money back. You an ungrateful bitch. You never went without ya whole life and so when you git something nice and good, you don’t give a shit.”
Terry was shaking and crying and trying to think of what he would say in response. It was obvious that Terrance was not understanding the evil in killing a harmless little animal for prestige.
“You could have given me anything else for an anniversary present and I would have loved it but this is a spit in my face… You are either stupid or insensitive but either way, you are oblivious to my feelings and that hurts more.”
Terrance lifted weights later that day, hurt and angry while Terry weeded in his garden. At meals, they ate separate and went to bed in separate beds quiet and angry at one another. Terrance couldn’t sleep that night. He tossed and turned and thought about apologizing several times but couldn’t bring himself to do it for hours. Terrance didn’t believe he intentionally did anything wrong but knew that the only way out of it was to kiss ass. At 1:07am, Terrance whispered to Terry.
“I apologize for whatever you think I did wrong…”
That did not go over very well. You understand.

Create a free website or blog at