Blackhumouristpress's Blog

September 29, 2011

The Naked Truth

           Virgil was one of those quiet middle aged guys that would blend in at parties or picnics without notice.  All the people who knew of Virgil knew that he worked as a consultant for oil companies that had interests in the Middle East.  At any given time, Virgil could be gone for weeks on end and then he would be home golfing and doing wood working in his basement work shop.  Nothing unusual.
Virgil and his wife Gretchen, raised twin girls that went to college and were trying to make their way through adulthood. Carter and Reagan were born on Election Day in 1980.  Gretchen at the time thought it would be cute to name her fraternal twin girls after the presidential candidates.  Virgil went along with this.
           Carter was a thoughtful and quiet girl who loved to sing, dance and write poems.  Carter always carried a few more pounds than her sister and was not very good at math.  Boys found her introverted nature to be odd and so it was rare that Carter dated much during high school.  At the age of thirty, her boyfriend whom she had lived with for several years, quit his job to live in a park by Wall Street and protest banks and rich people with other idealists from around the country.  Carter considered quitting her job as a kindergarten teacher and joining her boyfriend but changed her mind when she thought about losing her medical and dental benefits.
          Reagan was slightly taller than Carter and was thin, vibrant, active and everyone’s best friend.  She met Nathan at her high priced gym and had been seeing him for close to two years.  Nathan was tall, had a nice smile, full head of hair, stomach muscles, a good job, a condo with parking and a healthy bank account.  Nathan loved to fuck a lot and so did Reagan but when they were not fucking, they also liked to jog together, play tennis, eat sushi, watch 30 Rock and take Tango lessons.  Reagan suggested marriage and Nathan thought that the idea had some merit and so they became engaged.
           Virgil on paper was a mild mannered consultant but what nobody knew about Virgil was that he worked for the CIA and was in charge of questioning suspected terrorists on their ties to terrorist groups from around the world.  Sleep deprivation, constant questioning of similar words that were substituted to carefully lure a mentally broken individual into purging themselves was Virgil’s forte.  There of course was food deprivation and not allowing suspects to have water but offering coffee and then denying the suspects to use of the washroom.  The job was unique and actually Virgil was quite a unique guy and yet nobody really knew this about him and that is how he wanted it.
              Now Virgil ran checks upon checks on Nathan and all he could find was that he was a party guy who loved fantasy sports and was treated for a Chlamydia once at age twenty two.  Virgil suspected his future son-in-law was a player but could not prove anything conclusively. 
             Howard, one of Virgil’s drinking buddies from the CIA who had been actively working on a truth serum, felt that he had a billion dollar product that would prove to be valuable to governments and to wives everywhere; an innocuous liquid that makes a person want to spill their guts.  Howard and Virgil tested the creation out on a Pakistani cab driver who they rounded up randomly. What they learned from the cab driver was that he had two other wives in Pakistan and several children.  He had an orthodox Jewish woman that he was sleeping with on the side, liked to have beads stuffed in his ass and often went into tire stores just so he could smell the tires.  Virgil was sold on the product and agreed with Howard that he was well on his way to being a billionaire.  After much pleading and prodding, Virgil convinced Howard to attend his daughter’s wedding and administer doses of the serum into the champagne flutes of the best man, who was a life long friend of Nathan’s and into the glasses of Nathan’s parents.  Virgil suspected that the wealthy people looked down at Virgil and his family and wanted to hear about it.  The serum was slipped into the flutes belonging to Nathan’s best man, a man by the name of Jim but was mistakenly slipped into the glasses of Virgil’s two daughters, Carter and Reagan. 
            Jim stood during dinner and walked up to the microphone while still chewing his roast beef.  The desire to speak became overwhelming like an itch or a burn within him.
           “Um, my name is Jim and I am Nathan’s best bud.  We’ve been friends since we were six and I’ve always liked Nathan even though he is selfish and pretty vain.  Nathan was always better in sports than me and could always get pussy…  I mean girls… and so I always rode his coat tails just to get chicks.  I don’t know why Nathan wants to be married.  He still is getting more ass than anyone I know and probably will always need variety.  He could tell you himself about all the chicks that still call him and want to be with him.  It really is crazy.  Reagan is really hot but is really high maintenance and I give the whole marriage about two months before they are ready to kill each other or divorce.  I hope they never have kids because they are both too caught up in themselves to really be selfless parents…  Okay, that was crazy but I feel much better.”
               Carter then pushed Jim away from the microphone and gripped it as if her life depended on it.  Carter was out of breath and flush. 
               “Wow…  Okay, so I just want to say that I have always loved Reagan and always wished that I was her identical twin instead of fraternal.  I wanted nice legs, a pretty smile, a vibrant personality, firm tits and an ass that turns heads.  I didn’t get any of those things and have always thought it was unfair.  I think Reagan is really beautiful on the outside but a train wreck on the inside and I truly believe she will never be happy.  I know my parents both favor her and I don’t give a fuck really…”
                As Virgil was escorting his daughter Carter away from the microphone and into another room, Reagan spoke into the microphone for about five minutes on how she thought she was fat and ugly and wished that she could sing and write poems like her sister.  She hated being insincere and really was scared to get old and ugly.  She confided in everyone that she really did not like anal sex but did it because Nathan really liked it and that she really only had one orgasm with him in three years since he is really predictable and rough. Reagan did let everyone know that when her high school boyfriend comes into town, they always have a lot of laughs, dinner, drinks and really good sex.  Virgil returned to find a lot of grumbling among guests and crying and screaming among the wedding party. The orchestra tried to smother the debacle by playing Glenn Miller’s,  In the Mood.  It didn’t work.
            When the dust settled, Reagan had come home to live with Virgil and Gretchen again in the bedroom she occupied as a girl. She was in therapy and found that gardening really helped her to feel better in general. Nathan found a new girl and then some other new girls.  Jim was not allowed around them.  Carter began to speak to men with confidence and exercise a bit more.  Her sex life improved as did her self esteem.  Howard and Virgil still met for drinks periodically and spoke about things that guys speak about when they work for the Central Intelligence Agency.  Both agreed that although billions of dollars would be fantastic and solve many of Howard’s needs and desires, humanity really was not ready for the naked truth.  And that is no lie. 
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